I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
