you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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