I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
