Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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