please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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