woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
