I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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