i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
