I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
