After last night, I could never be a politician.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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