Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize