I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
