why didn't you poke me back
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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