..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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