How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Watching her eat just hurts me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
