Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
