I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
