How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Damn victory sex feels great
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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