when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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