Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my being single is dangerous.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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