so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
