I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
