you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
