There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
