Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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