i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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