Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
