I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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