did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
