Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
