Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize