Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The ass gains better be worth it
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