he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
