Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want to have your abortion
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
