Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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