Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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