I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
