Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize