just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
