remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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