im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
