dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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