I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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