Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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