the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
