He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
