I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
