11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
