My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
