What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
