you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
