i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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