I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
