Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
