This girl is more easily done than said...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
