Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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