you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
