I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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