I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
