I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
