i already hear my dad disowning me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Randomize
