I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
