I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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