I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think my moral compass just broke
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
