I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
