What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
