If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
