just come out here and I will go home with you...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
