He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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