you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
