i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
