i love accidental penises.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
