FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
