i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
