im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
