Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
