No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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