the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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