I just made out with a guy for $7.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
