i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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