I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
