Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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