Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
