Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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