What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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