so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
