i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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