Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
