I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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