Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
