I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
